Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now.

There was a time when I didnt care about the image starring back at me in the mirror. I wish I could get that time back. There was a time when I didnt go out of my way to try to avoid mirrors or cameras. But now I grimace if I see my reflection. There was a time I could tie my laces without descending into a grey mood for hours. Now its a fight with a tummy,boobs and gravity. There was a time if I caught my reflection I would smile at myself. Now I don’t smile.

I took for granted being able to eat whatever I wanted. I took for granted hip bones and clavicles and foolishly thought I would never have to watch my weight. Oh how stupid I was.

Time can be a cruel master and now in my early 40′s I am not the smiley  slim , hip mother I thought I would be. I am not the person my dreams and ideas were made of. Instead I see every pound my body is now carrying. Once commented on cheek bones now hide, buried not to be commented on again.

As if in a cruel joke to pay me back for every smug smile I ever smiled, the healthier I become the larger I seem to be. The more I exercise the more ill I become. Right now I struggling to know who ‘me’ is as the me I have become isn’t making me happy.

Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

You would think that as I am adopted the most powerful or influential story I could retell would be that of when my adoptive parents told me I was adopted. It’s not. Not that adoption hasn’t changed me or made me who I am because it has in so many ways. But the fact is my parents never sat me down and told me I was adopted, I just grew up knowing. I was told every day that I was special to them in so many ways and one of the ways was that I was chosen. My mum would tell me I didn’t grow under her heart but in it.

I cant also recall any story’s from my childhood. We lived in an big old house till I was about 7 but my memory of it is rather ….well …..non-existent really. After the big old house, which actually after checking it out on google recently isn’t big or as grand as I remember, we moved to the lovely county Cornwall. But still sitting here trying to think of story’s from my youth has made me realise that I don’t have any. I have flashbacks but they are just photographs  I can’t remember anything that happened before or after the photographs was taken. But in my defence my youth was 20 to 30 years ago and I struggle to remember what I did yesterday most of the time.

So from today’s writing prompt I have learnt that memory’s do fade, even happy ones, they can get lost and forgotten and that you should try and capture every moment in whatever way you can because one day your dear old brain will fail you like mine has me.

Day 17, Friday: A favourite photo of yourself and why

There are not many pictures of me I like as I am bit self critical and very fussy. But I do like this one. Its me and my daughter and was taken a couple of years ago. What I love about it was the messyness of everything. Its not posed, were not posing and neither of us cared our hair was a mess and neither of us had no make up on. Its also the photo that made me realise how few a photos I have of the children with me actually in the picture, something we are trying to rectify.